Remember Mario Bros?

and how they used to go up into the clouds and you'd get a million coins up there? Well right now I feel like i'm living in a dream world. I literally want someone to pinch me and wake me up because right now my head is sleeping. This is a world where the doorman knows my name and opens the door to the taxi for me. Housekeepers give me weird looks when I tell them thank you. (guess I'm one of the only people who actually appreciates it...never had a maid before) Blue skies behind one of the best views in the world: the reservoir, central park, and central park west. There are no other words to describe how I feel these days. I'm just lost in a daze trying to wake up. Only problem is if people poke me, i feel it. [; )] My world is changing. Making a complete 180 in fact. What am I to do? What's gonna happen next? Life is a mystery. I guess I'll just have to live out this amazing ride.

Polar Bears Are My Lovers

Im truely sorry I haven't posted here in forever. It's been almost 2 weeks! There's been a ton going on in my life: finals, graduation, painting, packing, moving. So I don't know where to start with this post. I think I'll skip high school and go directly to moving. This blog is now my chronical of life in the east village as I see it. Start the time warp......now
It was a dark and dreary night a long long time ago. Actually it was bright and sunny on Friday. My mom came with me to see my apartment and help me drop off all my crap here. It was nice since she bought me nice gelatos and sandwichs. : ) yay mommies with nice bank accounts! Thankfully though, she left quickly. I had plans. So up up up I went to the met where I found out no one is allowed to sit on the steps anymore. What kind of bullshit is that!! I've wasted so many hours of my life on those steps and now I cant spend one minute. Bastards. After the met we decided to go out to eat. To about 6 different places. ; ) man we were so stuffed after that.
Saturday night was great. I learned I can not fake an orgasm for my life. Yes we went to Rocky Horror. In Chelsea, it was a special gay pride night. Fun fun. Our whole group of friends dressed in drag and watched people in extreme flamboyant colors dance. It was great. Actually let's rewind to the afternoon. Saturday afternoon I had made plans with some friends to go to Virage. Its a restataunt down the street which has these amazing Belgian waffles. Or at least the used to when we saw how much their brunch was and that they had no waffles we immediatly left. This was after drinking a lot of water and eating many muffins. Youre thinking " bad karma" right? Exactly! Two hours later I realized I didnt have my cellphone anywhere. After frantically searching every other place we went I knew it had to be at Virage. Thankfully when I went back they didnt remember us at all. It was behind the counter safe and sound. Thank god.
I got a 2 week membership to nysc. I doubt I'll actually use it ever again. I went on a few machine for 20 minutes. I'm sooo out of shape. The main problem is that I live six flights of steps up. That means my legs ache and I still have to do more exercising. Yesterday was purely painful trying to walk up them with a ton of groceries.
Those groceries were purchased at whole foods. I'm kind of regretting that fact because I bought all my food for the next few days before I have to go back to my parents house. That means a lot of money. But now I'm sick and I don't want to eat a thing. I blame my being sick on the burger place. Yesterday I went around to a few job interviews I saw on craigslist. One of the places looked perfect. So cute, except they only sell burgers. Even the salads have beef on them. Here's the problem: I'm vegan. I think the place just made me sick in general. Or maybe I'm just using it as an excuse. Whatever.
I got caught in the rain twice yesterday. The first time I said screw it and needed a towel the second I got back to my place. The second time i decided to just wait it out. I found a little deli to stand under. This lady and I were talking for a while. She had three really cute dogs with her in a stroller. They couldn't get wet. Poor puppies. One other guy asked her where she was from. Apparently she was born in jersey and got outta there as fast as possible. Sound like anyone? I just laughed. Then I got to reading the Post which was just sitting there. At least i think it was the post; the cover was torn off. Normally I wouldnt touch such a newspaper but there was no Times and this article looked interesting. It was about how now that bloomberg is in his last days the city is starting to go downhill again. Crime rates are dramaticaly rising, the police force has weakend in many neighborhoods, and grafitti is back on the subways. It makes sense to me. I see it everyday. Things are getting a bit worse again. The only thing I can say is yay cheaper rent! Hopefully at least. You know when stuytown first opened in 1946 the smallest apartment cost $51 (+- a few) now its at $3000. The most expensive five bedroom was $95. Currently its over $7500, I pay more than the original rent just for my cellphone. Times really have changed. Maybe not even for the best.

Diversity My Ass

I decided not to go to school today since I had an interview at Ruehl. It's this really high end version of Abercrombie. Pretty nice clothes and a friend of mine works there so I thought it would be cool to work alongside him. Of course you pretty much have to wear their clothes in the store, i own nothing from them, there really isn't much of an employee discount, and the pay is minimum so all the money you make goes back to the store just so you can follow the dress code. But we shall forget that fact.
There are two things that disturbed me about this interview. One was how generic it was. Everyone who applies has to attend one. Once there the manager or whoever else is interviewing you just reads from an interview "packet" already handed to them by corporate. Literally word for word it's read out to the interviewee. Great huh? The person giving the interview didn't even seem to care much. It was just as if they felt it was a waste of time too. Wouldn't the company work much better if they had some personality when it comes to hiring? Maybe then they wouldn't be in such a bind for finding help. The second thing was their question about diversity. I guess they must ask this and make themselves seem like an all around better company ever since the huge legal scandal they found themselves in. I'll give them some credit; they really have made up for it. I only saw one blond chick working there, no one else was even white. (saturday nights, however, it's the complete opposite) My friend employee is brown too, so it does mean something about the diversity. But still, they seem to maybe be trying to hard now. The question still bugs me since they try to shun everyone, who's somewhat older or not dressed in the right style, who walks in the doors.
Either way I still love the store. Free People and Lucky Brand Jeans are more my style for casual dress but for a formal casual affair i'm all pro Ruehl. Now if they could only get that whole "suburban wannabe" thing down. I would say that i'm part of that except for the fact that my social life tends to revolve around ny. And I don't find the west village to be the shit.

Born To Run

Sorry I haven't made a post in the longest time. I've been extremely busy and now finals are coming up. I may not post for a while again. But I have made some time in my frustration to post these (semi) time-lines.

New Jersey Driving Rules
16 years of age- Permit
17 years of age- Restricted Driver's License (only one non-family member in car at a time, no driving past midnight, etc.)
18 years of age- Full Driver's License

Most of my friends received cars when they turned 17.

My Dad's Driving Rules Place Upon Me
16 years of age- Pass The Written Exam
17 years of age- Permit
17.5 years of age- Restricted Driver's License (a form of ID that can not be used for it's actual purpose due to me not being on insurance)
A Few Months Later- Placed On Insurance (after insurance company starts saying that it's illegal for me to have a license but not be on insurance)
18 years of age- Allowed To Drive On Special Occasions About Once A Month With A Parent In The Car

Even my mom's friends from work have called my dad and complained to him about these rules. Yes, I'm a legal adult in 11 days and I still can't drive by myself. Not even down the street or to work. I once asked if I could and he screamed at me. Then he wonders why i spend over $100 a month going to Manhattan. Seriously when I need a loaf of bread I can't exactly drive to the store. So I take the bus, then the subway to get to Whole Foods to buy what winds up being a $35 piece of bread. Right now I need a $10 container of makeup but will have to get my ass to the Duane Reede in Port Authority because I can't drive anywhere. Please tell me the logic in all of this!

I Have Layers Too You Know

They never told me the library was gonna be closed tomorrow and monday. I have free time now since I don't have to work. =)

So today I got out an atlas written by none other than The Onion. That great comedic paper we all know and love. I will now share four countries' and two states' intros with you.

Iraq
They Had It Coming

In 2003, the United States invaded Iraq in retaliation for countless atrocities committed by the nation, including the gassing of Kurdish villages, the 1990 invasion of Kuwait, the events of 9/11, the sinking of the Titanic, the Hindenburg explosion, and the Holocaust.
Although Iraq-U.S. relations became strained in 1963 when Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein assassinated John F. Kennedy, tensions reached a head on Sept. 11, 2001. On this day, the nation of Iraq flew two commercial airliners into the World Trade Center, killing thousands of innocent Americans in the worst attack on U.S. soil since Iraqi fighter pilots bombed Pearl Harbor.
Despite criticism for its ensuing invasion, the U.S. claimed that stabilizing Iraq was the only way to prevent another nuclear attack like the one carried out on Hiroshima and Nagasaki by Iraq.
The U.S. plans to continue occupying the nation until Iraq either returns the kidnapped Lindbergh baby, or admits to all the acts of unjust violence for which it is responsible, including the Boston Massacre, a series of shark attacks in the summer of 1998, and the U.S. invasion of Iraq.

Belgium
A Proud Tradition of Chocolate, And Also Some Other Stuff

While known worldwide for its delicious chocolates, mouth-watering waffles, and extraordinary desserts, there is a lot more to the nation of Belgium than first meets the eye. For instance, the country is also home to delectable pies, scrumptious pastries, custards, rich creams, and truffles.
With a surprise around every corner, be it an out-of-the-way bakery, a local bakery, or an old historic landmark like the nation's first baker, Belgium has something for everyone. Brussels, the country's capital and an architectural wonder, is the site of some of the most elaborately stacked cakes in the world, while Antwerp, its commercial center, is a fusion of old and new, with fresh eclairs replacing day-old eclairs each morning in the city's many shop windows.
Despite the nation's many culinary attractions, however, a visit to Belgium would not be complete without stopping at the breathtaking Basilica of the Sacred Heart, making a quick right at Rue Viveaux, and walking two blocks to one of the most renowned chocolate shops in all of Western Europe.

Bangladesh
God's Practical Joke

Framed by the Ganges and Brahmaputra Rivers, Bangladesh is home to some of the richest, most fertile soil in the world. That's the setup. The moment Bangladeshis establish an agricultural society around it, however, God delivers the devastating punch line, drowning hundreds of thousands in a typhoon. It works every time.
Though the torrential gag rushes right over most of the unsuspecting Bangladeshis' heads, some catch on and flee for drier land. While anyone else would see it coming across the horizon from a mile away, the gullible Bangladeshis soon return, giving God the perfect chance to rain horror down on them yet again. God never gets tired of that routine.

North Pole
Guess What, Kids- No Santa Here

While the North Pole still holds some mysteries, 150 years of exhaustive scientific study has conclusively proven that this bleak arctic ice sheet is absolutely void of any obese and immortal altruist living in an enchanted village powered by elf dust.
Despite the claims of so many ignorant children, who say Santa's Village is only visible to those who "believe," thousands of infallible radar installations would have nonetheless detected it by now. In addition, none of the myriad government satellites currently in orbit-devices that could photograph a reindeer carcass from space-have ever picked up even a single image of a warmly lit workshop or a giant candy cane.
If this supposed "Santa Claus" has somehow survived centuries of deadly below-freezing temperatures, he did so without a viable communications infrastructure, steady source of food, or functioning electrical grid.
However, though mountains of irrefutable evidence can now debunk any and all claims of this ridiculous figure's existence, one questions still remains: Where do all the presents come from?

Texas
Everything Sucks Bigger In Texas

Home to mega-factories that contribute to the highest levels of air and water pollution of any state in the Union, a cavernous income gap that leaves visitors awestruck, and an abstinence-based sex education system that has all but ensured it will soon have the highest birth rate in the country, Texas knows that anything worth doing is worth doing big.
From the 64-ounce sodas that add to their number-one-in-the-nation waistlines, to the highest rates of drunk driving and citizen imprisonment to be found in America, the residents of the Lone Star State pride themselves on doing everything Texas-sized.
Boasting the largest egos and most inflated sense of self-importance in the Lower 48, Texans love to talk big about how they execute the most mentally disabled criminals, send the most boys to die for the biggest foreign-policy mistakes, and drag their hate-crime victims the farthest behind the most enormous pickup trucks available.

Hawaii
Spectacular Balcony View

From their high-rise hotel rooms in Waikiki, Hawaii's tourists are dazzled by the white-sand beaches 40 stories below, as well as the tasteful watercolors hanging above their beds.
Rare jungle birds and vivid tropical trees that can't be found anywhere else in the world are easily accessible on channel 347 (TLC). In fact, all of Hawaii's picturesque wildlife is within reach at the postcard stand down in the lobby gift shop.
Though 500-foot waterfalls are mere miles away, the typical visitor need not travel far to enjoy clear cascading waters, as the full-size shower is just steps away. And the islands enchant all who partake of the complimentary shampoo and body wash.

Minnesota
Land of 10,000 Retards

The pop-drinking, Hormel-eating, dontcha-know dumbfucks of Minnesota are too stupid to have any idea why they are the laughing stock of the entire country.
From "Yah, sure" to "You betcha, there," Minnesotans have not said one damn intelligent or discernible ting since their godforsaken state was founded in 1858.
After being told by Eastern explorers that they had an unusual number of lakes, intrepid Minnesotans started counting, got stuck at 99, and just skipped ahead to the highest number they'd ever heard of, 10,000.

As I said earlier this is all from The Onion's Our Dumb World Atlas of the Planet Earth. Seventy-third edition with free globe inside and now with 30% more Asia.

Typing

I'm not going to be posting for the next week...well..really until June. I'm sorry. I have to work everyday between now and then to make up for the hours I'm missing next weekend. It's prom! My friends and I are spending the weekend in Manhattan galavanting around. Don't forget, World Science Festival thing is on Saturday in Washington Square Park! I also can't write much because today I sliced my hand in half during engineering. In actuality I didn't slice it in half. I cut my palm down to the bone in a small area. It was bleeding for 15 minutes. Pulsating too. I mean it was coming out in rhythmic synchronizations with my heart. The nurse tried spraying anti-bacterial stuff on it but it all rolled off with the blood. I find it odd how I get grossed out when other people get hurt but if it happens to me i just laugh. I couldn't stop laughing all morning. Of course, going to the hospital like everyone is telling me is just wrong imo. I hate the hospital soooo much. It seems way too sterile for me.

Charity

Yesterday the lady at Regal's ticket counter asked if I'd like to donate a dollar to some charity they were collecting money for. I said no and the guy I was with laughed at how insensitive that was of me. (he's from florida...not really used to people not giving a shit) As a result I decided to make today my bi-annual clothing drive day. My floor/closet/drawers were torn apart in search of clothes which are not my style anymore, too small/too big on me, or I haven't worn in a while for one reason or another. They then get counted up for worth and donated to the Salvation Army. This year I am pleased to say that I have a bag in the corner of my room worth $2,150 waiting to be given off. I could add two more pants to this and make the number 2750 but I want to keep them in case I loose enough weight in the future. I just can't see myself giving away 300 dollar jeans after wearing each about 4 times. Not really worth it.